Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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