I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
