That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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