i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
