Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
