Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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