if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
