I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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