The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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