dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
