forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
