the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize