it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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