do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
