just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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