What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
