we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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