i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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