cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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