It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
