I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
