Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
