Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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