My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
