Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
