i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
