Umm I'm too high to move.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
