Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
