My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
