do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
