Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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