what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
