Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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