im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
