my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
