god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
