sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
