Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
