hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
