you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
