my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
