Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
