Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize