apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
