You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
