Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize