After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
