i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
