i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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