she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
