I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
