he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
