Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
