I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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