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I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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