Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
