you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
