Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
