I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
