We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
