I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
