Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
