So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
