dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize