My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is Oprah even human
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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