I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
