I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
zippers are such a cool invention
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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