Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
