I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
