took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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