You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
